Some interesting things have happened to me and people who I'm very close to in the past 24 hours.
1. My two best friends since high school broke up, so now our bff trio is strangely divided
2. I reconnected with a good friend
3. I aged in wisdom at least 5 years, thanks to my sister
The first two may seem random when compared to the last issue, but it all seems completely relevant to me. My girl says the reason that she does not social network is because she only has time to deal with people closest to her who she loves and cares about and that love and care about her; therefore she does not care to keep in contact with internet friends. Plus, the reason for the break-up is because she feels like our other friend is showing undesired characteristics of a frenemy (some internet behavior, among other things)-- a whole different bag of oranges that I am not privy to discuss here.
However, I know that I am guilty of having been a frenemy to both friends and family. I have not always been the best sister that a girl could want and I've definitely had fall outs now and again with the closest of my girlfriends. Somehow we always manage to make up and work things out (even if it takes years).
Case in point, I had to really weigh the pros and cons of keeping a friend of mine around. The more I payed attention to the relationship the more I found that there were certain things that I disliked about it-- She's very opinionated, she loves to gossip, and her green-eyed monster shows up unexpectedly and at inopportune times. Despite those things, she is a very good friend to me and everything else that she brings to the friendship far outweigh the negative. After all, no one is perfect... I know I've done things.
In that relationship as well as with others-- especially family it seems important not to be judgmental. I try to be good, but I'm definitely no angel. Which is why before my trip to California I made the decision that I was going to be a better sister to my sisters (and brother). For so many years I behaved like an only child-- doing things only when it was convenient for me, thinking of myself first, it never really occurred to me that I was being self-centered. A recent conversation with my sister, who's 26 helped me realize that no matter how ugly I can be, she and the family know, "that's just how you are sometimes," and they love me regardless.
Nevertheless, all of these things got me wondering... is it always necessary to break-up with a friend when they behave badly? And what about family-- are they subject to the same frenemy clause that we use to oust friends turned frenemies who we no longer like? It seems that we live in a world where we are so used to instant gratification and getting what we want that we have no problem throwing people away when they fail to meet our expectations.
One thing I've learned is that people, especially the ones we love, will disappoint you... it's only a matter of time. I'm just happy to have loved ones in my circle who think that I'm a keeper and I've decided to do my best to be the kind of friend and sister that I, too would want to keep around.
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